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Friday, 24 October 2014

Dear Daddy

My darling Daddy,

My Joy, my Peace, my Source, my Help, my Indispensable Friend and Saviour that I absolutely cannot do without. 

It's been a very busy week and I thank You for holding my hand through it all. Thank You for giving me strength, thank You for Your grace, thank You for infusing my life with surprises that money cannot buy. 

I rejoice in You, God of my youth. You have been a consistent constant in my life. I am forever grateful to You for bringing me out of darkness into Your marvellous light when I was but a little girl. The older I grow, the deeper my level of understanding of that great transition, and consequently, the depth of my unending gratitude to You. I am excited about the fact that the knowledge of You is inexhaustible, therefore no matter how much I think I know, I find that there is even MUCH more I don't know. *smiles*. How great is that?! How GREAT are You!

You who know the heart of man, yet still love unconditionally. You are privy to all our shortcomings, failings and inadequacies, yet it does not diminish Your love for us. Infact You demonstrated Your love for us by sacrificing Yourself while we were still very deep in sin - You are Amazing GOD!

I wish I could say more, I wish I could express it better but I hope these simple words would suffice a little - Daddy, I am in love with You. 

Thank You for loving this little girl. 

Your own,
One xx

Thursday, 23 October 2014

Conversations with One: Would You Sacrifice Your Career/Dream for Him/Her?

Hiya! It's another edition of Conversations with One! *cue music*

A little introduction for first-timers:

Conversations with One is a chat-series on the blog.

Each week, the 1 + TheOne panel (made up of beloved and very wise friends with a variety of personalities) and I bring you snippets of our 'round-table' discussions from a male/female perspective.. We talk about any and every thing!!

Ladies! Have you ever wanted to get into the mind of a guy? (I know I do! lol), and for guys, I bet once in a while you wish you could just read her mind! Well hopefully week after week, we get to bridge that gap!

You can have a look at the last conversation where we had a very interesting discussion on the importance of your significant other/partner getting along with your family. You can read it and other previous episodes HERE.

We present to you the topic of conversation for the week:


"Does it make sense to make career sacrifices for someone you are in a relationship with (not yet married to)?"

Now, we know that love makes us make many wonderful (?) decisions... Do you think it is wise to give up a dream or lucrative job/business or opportunity because of someone you're in a relationship with?

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Miss TrueTalk: I do not think it's reasonable to make career sacrifices while still in a relationship. Especially if we are talking about leaving your present job or career path to up and pack your whole load to move to another state or country. It's like putting your life on hold for someone who is not yet 'confirmed'.

Confirmed like this? :-)
One: Thank you for that! Personally I think it's a very dicey situation.. You never know until the dotted lines are signed + I believe from personal experience that if your partner loves you and actually wants the best for you, he/she would not encourage you to desert your dreams to follow him/her, rather they are looking for ways to support you and ensure that you achieve your potential.

Mr Agbalagbaski: There's a difference between 'not yet married to' and 'enroute' one. If you're enroute towards one, then necessary sacrifices are important. As mentioned, one needs to make sure that discussions have taken place and you're convinced before leaping. 

One: That's a new one 'Enroute'.. lol

Mr NumeroUno: I echo Mr. Agbalagbaski.
Love as most of us might agree in itself is a risk. Furthermore, marriage in itself is a risk. So if one has to wait until one is married before making sacrifices. What happens to those who do and yet end up in divorce?

Look at it this way. Am I going to go on a boat across oceans for fear of a plane crash? Will I never go on the motorway because I have seen accidents or have been told road accidents occur ever frequently? Of course I wouldn't take such extreme cautions.

Rather, if necessity requires a trip via air, I'll rather take the necessary risk, pray as I embark on every journey, whether by road, air, rail or by sea. That is what faith is. Trust in God is constant and requires renewal day after day, again and again and again.

In the same vein, we are not prescribing stupidity and throwing caution to the wind. Please be sensible and be like David. Before you embark on a journey enquire from God. Shall I go? Are you in this? 

True or False?
Ms TrueTalk: I believe there has to be a certain level of commitment and understanding between the couple to enable such a decision/ sacrifice to be made. You wouldn't want to have a 'had I known' situation some time in the future, most especially if you don't end up with the individual. Also, whatever sacrifices you make should be your ultimate decision, so you don't spend the rest of your life blaming someone else for your "misfortune".

Ms NumeroUno: I learnt a big lesson from a story in Judges 20.
In this story, the children of Israel ask God before embarking on a war with a fellow tribe, Benjamin. God said in verse 18 send Judah first. They went but were defeated by a small tribe like Benjamin.
So you ask, how can God say I should go and yet I suffer humiliation. It was a test. By the time we get to verse 28 God gave them Victory.
The only time we can say don't be stupid in making sacrifices is on occasions where one has not heard God. If Ruth was playing wise and had refused to abandon her career whatever it was to follow Naomi. She will never have become the star that she is today. 

Take a leap of faith! source
Don't be stupid yes. But don't be too smart and too wise to end up cheating yourself. If you have to take the leap, ask God. If He okays it, please go on. Remember even the lost can be restored. So please ride on if God endorses the relationship and the move.

Mr Motivation: I think I lean towards the line of thought of NumeroUno...lol. But will also like to add that the terms and conditions in a relationship vary from that of a marriage. Hence highlighting the need to define where that relationship is headed i.e. purpose of being together. With that being the case, decisions to be made at the relationship level should be one that serves as a catalyst to reaching or achieving the desired objective or purpose, which ideally should be marriage. Decisions in a marriage setting on the other hand should be one that ensures the sustenance of the marriage and enhances the quality and experience in the marriage.


One: I love that!

Mr Motivation: In summary, decisions in a relationship should have as a guide, the end goal (marriage) as a basis and that of marriage should be its sustainability and quality of experience. Above all, every decision in both circumstances should always obtain the required divine backing, for every godly decision brings PEACE (Isaiah 32:17)

One: The men have come out in full force for this one! Niceee.. iLikey! Thank you very much. It's interesting that your opinions are very similar :-)

League of Men :-D
I have a question for the men - Would you move location or leave your job/career or dream for a lady that you are in a relationship with/en-route marriage (I think as Christians, we go into relationships with an 'enroute marriage' mind anyway)....

Kindly answer with examples were possible.. thanks *smiles*

Mr NumeroUno
: It depends on what you mean by dream. If by dream you mean a motorbike or yacht, and the lady says it's not a wise investment for now and prefers a House in Malibu, California. Sure why not? If however you mean dream related to 'God given vision'. I dare say that, such will be an anomaly. Attention is on GOD GIVEN. A woman is designed to be help-meet. Call me conservative, but I don't think we can say men are given that same job description by God.

If my calling and next assignment is in Port Harcourt, and I'm currently in New York, and Madam is already settled in PH. Then there is no qualms moving over to PH.

Or to be more practical. Assuming I'm an Evangelist or Diplomat who moves from station to station and madam has a stable job in a place, I think it is important for her to feel secure, and her input, feelings and opinion as to where home should be is highly crucial and significant. That's an example I can think of to stress that there is no straightforward answer. It will depend on what the dream, vision, purpose, goal and present circumstances are.

One: Thanks NĂºmero Uno! I was waiting to read the response from the men because I kinda guessed that it would not be straightforward lol.

Mr NumeroUno: Lol, on a whole I think a woman should be sceptical about a man with no purpose or who can easily discard their 'God given' dream. The self inspired dreams can be polished and realigned by the help of a godly woman. Men can sometimes be very selfish. We sometimes forget to look at the wider picture, and that's where a godly woman comes in. 

One: I appreciate your points. So in clear terms, no a man shouldn't give up his dreams?

Mr NumeroUno: Yes. Job yes! A man can change jobs. Career change is also not too big a challenge. But dream. Hmm! Especially God-given dreams. Men are not designed to change that one.

What do you think? Do you agree? Would you give up your job or dreams because of someone you are in a relationship with? Please tell us in the comment box.

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Remember that 1 + The One is very social :-) Please connect with us on:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/1plustheone
Twitter: @1plustheone
Instagram: @1plustheone

Also, if you have any questions or comments please send us an email too oneplustheone@gmail.com

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

New Vlog! Getting to know you and New Blog Series

Hello everyone!

Hope the midweek-day is going well? :-D

We started a new series on the blog yesterday 'Married and Loving It!!!' If you haven't had a look, please scroll down the blog to read.. I'm sure you will be blessed *smiles* (I picked this from Mrs Salt yesterday.. I think I like it better than :-) lol)..

Also, yesterday we posted a Vlog where I talked about a few things I'd like to start on the blog - particularly getting to know YOU better, share with you and importantly, pray with you.

Please watch to know more!!

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Married and Loving It!!! Feat Bola (Salt) and Henry Nelson *New Series*

I am a very excited woman today! We are starting a brand new series today on the blog. It has been 'cooking in my head' for a very longg time but taking off has been postponed and postponed (a lot of procrastination here)..

It was inspired by one of my dear friends and reader of the blog in response to the Waiting and Loving It Series. She said she loved the Waiting and Loving It series but that in addition, it was equally important to show what happens years after the first few years of doe-eyed love. We hear of marriage break-ups again and again and unfortunately, more people are losing faith in this beautiful institution founded by God!

This mini-conversation birthed the 'Married and Loving It' series. Married and Loving It will be alternated on Tuesdays with the regular Waiting and Loving It series and would feature couples who have been married for 10years and above. We hope that they will share with us a little of their journey thus far and useful tips (from personal experience) to sustaining a marriage, keeping the fire alive, managing conflicts and so many things I don't know (as I am yet to sign the dotted lines myself haha).

I am extra-delighted to introduce to you our first couple on this series. It's interesting how God connects us with great people in wonderful ways. I had followed Mrs Nelson's blog (and social media platforms) for a while and I loved the way she wrote straight from her heart in a way that touches you. I discovered that we attended the same church (Shout out to RCCG City Of David - Where the love of God reigns and dreams come through, where legends are born and tomorrow's history is experienced today :-D), however we only met properly a few weeks back! 
To make it even more interesting, even though I met her 'virtually' long before her husband, I met him face-to-face before I met her as we are both on the same course in church and work together on the committee! I love the way God works! :-)

Ladies and gentlemen I talk too much when I am excited so let me not bore you any further but go straight to our beautiful foremost couple of this series - Mr and Mrs Abimbola (Salt) and Henry Nelson!!

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Hello Mr and Mrs Nelson, It's a great pleasure and privilege having you as our first couple on the Married and Loving It 'Hot Seat'. Thank you very much for taking time out to respond to us. Could you please start by telling us how long you've been married?

The Nelsons: (Mrs) I still marvel at God’s mercies and faithfulness when I think that my Mighty Good Man (MGM) and I have been married for twenty-one (21)years now. Come, 01 May 2015, we will hit 22 years! I promise, it is purely a God thing! 

Wow! Congratulations, that's wonderful. How did you meet your MGM?

The Nelsons: I met Henry in my second year of University. We both went to the University of Uyo. So while we have actually been married for 21 years, we have been together since 1985! That makes it 29 years! Even I am amazed! *smiling*,

I am smiling along with you ma'am. That's really special, thank God. 
Now I don't know if you can remember your wedding day, but we'd like to know moments you recollect from that day?

The Nelsons: The part I love most about that day, the 1st of May 1993 was that it did not rain! It was a serious prayer point for me because the reception was to be outdoors. It was a lovely sunny day and I just thank God for that. I loved how my MGM tried to out-dance me on the way in. Our first dance too was special to me because we danced to my favourite song at the time. It was Boys II Men’s ‘End of the Road’ - I know, not the best in terms of song title considering we were just starting our lives together. But you know what? Now, as I look back, I see it as a prophetic song over our lives. In the past 21 years, we have faced some real ‘end of the road’ situations BUT God always always stepped in and just like the song says we never ‘let go’. Our marriage is still standing strong and our love has grown deeper. 

Awww, thank God for that. That's beautiful. (Ladies and gents, pay attention to your wedding song, it just might be prophetic :-)). Now, we often hear that the first 3 years of marriage are not the easiest, is that true? How was it for you?

The Nelsons: The first 3 years? If I had to use one word, it would be ‘Bewildered’. We spent the first 7 years actually trying to figure out ‘who on earth we had married’. You would think that having known each other since University would make it easier. This was not the case. So there was a lot of ‘discovering’ to do and we did not do it very well, I am afraid. This is why I tell young couples to use the dating period well. It is not a time to pretend at all. Be yourself 100% so that whatever you are showing is the REAL you. If you cannot cook, don’t pretend. If you are not a beach person, don’t pretend to like the beach. If your idea of a night out is sitting at home reading a book, be open about that but show you are willing to do other stuff because you care about the interests of the one you love. 

Aww, thank you very much for that, *note to self* "Be real at all times, no forming". 

Thank you very much for that.

Now, we come to a part in Married and Loving It where we ask our guest-couple to list according to the number of years they have been married, Things Marriage has Taught Them.. Here goes..

21 THINGS MARRIAGE HAS TAUGHT US - Mr and Mrs Nelson
(Can we just say before you read that we are no marriage guru. We are just a couple sharing our own take on life based on our experiences in life to date. It is good to learn from your own mistakes but it is wise to learn from the mistakes of others *smiling*. It will be a blessing if just one person takes away something from here that will help their marriages now or in the future). - The Nelsons

1. In Marriage, Love is not a feeling. It is a choice. And sometimes you don’t feel like making that choice BUT you do in obedience to the God you made your vows to.

2. When you are dating, you can get away with the idea that you love someone because 'they are fine/kind/gentle or they do XYZ' but the moment you decide to marry the person, your love must become UNCONDITIONAL. If you intend for your marriage to last, you must decide to love ‘just because’ for I can tell you for free that the day will come when your spouse will not look so fine or be so kind! Will your love just die then?

3. There is no such thing as a readymade soul mate. That title is earned. Over time. For instance, my MGM is my soul mate. I know that NOW because of all that we have gone through and today I can put my hand to my heart and say I never want to be with anyone else.

4. Trust is the bedrock of your marriage. DO NOT do anything that will break it.

5. Honestly, the only 3rd party you need in your marriage affairs is Jesus Christ. I respect all the elders and counsellors out there but at the end of the day, it will take you, your spouse and God to keep your home.

6. Be an OPEN BOOK to your spouse. Nothing is too little to share. There is nothing like the ‘Power of Clean hands’. Even if you are woken up from sleep, you can answer any questions without thinking because your hands and heart are clean.

7. Communication is key. Study your spouse and find out what works. How best to enjoy your time together and get the gist flowing.

8. Remember that one size does not fit all so DO NOT compare your marriage to anyone else’s. NEVER compare your spouse to anyone. It hurts and does not help.

9. Sex is SUPER important. I believe that where love rules, both parties will come to understand how to make this work for the relationship.

10. Be committed to making your spouse feel fulfilled and sometimes this means making up your mind to do what it takes to achieve that IN SPITE of how you feel. This means loving selflessly. Hard but doable with God’s Spirit. NEVER let your spouse feel ‘deprived’.

11. If you don’t remember anything else we have said, remember this - Whenever you are upset with each other? THAT is the best time to be intimate! God created sex as the one sure way of sealing the bond between husband and wife. The devil knows this too and that is why the first thing a couple do when they are fighting is to stay away from each other. Don’t do it. Frustrate the devil. Sex is praise, worship and a weapon of warfare!

12. Husband, never have a female ‘friend’ you are closer to than your wife. Wife, never have a male friend that is your confidante. It is a recipe for disaster. Period!

13. Do not do business with anyone you cannot introduce to your spouse. As much as you can control is, let all your business acquaintances be known to your spouse. If you are reluctant to introduce them, ask yourself why. Something is wrong.

14. After God, your spouse must be your number one priority. Wives, when you become mommies watch out for this. We don’t even realise this happens but don’t let baby take over your life. Daddy is still there and still needs you! *smiling*

15. You just have to learn to forgive. Forgetting will come with time but just let go of past hurts. Make up your mind to not let the past steal your future.

16. Dates nights are a MUST. Carve out a day even if it is just once a month for just the two of you to ‘be’. No gadgets. No other people. Just chill.

17. Fight but fight ‘clean’. Fights will come. They are inevitable but fighting clean means sticking to the issues at hand. Not dragging up the past. Fighting clean means no name calling or sarcasm.

18. Send love notes. So we are all on various gadgets now, right? So from time to time, send a nice message to your spouse to let him/her know you were thinking of them. It helps. Be playful…like you were when you were dating. Honour your spouse. Show you care. I love sincere PDAs (holding hands, opening the door for your wife, etc). You are telling the world "See my spouse! I am pleased to be with him/her!".

19. Please don’t fight in front of the children. We never plan to but it happens. Please commit to not let it happen anymore. Our kids are so sensitive PLUS there are learning from us. Let’s be good models.

20. Mutual Respect is so important. Never speak disrespectfully to each other. Never talk negatively about your spouse to anyone either. Just not good!

21. I personally do not believe any marriage can last without God being at its centre. Pray together as well as alone. Make Him the Source of your love for each other. Always try to emulate Christ in how you love your spouse. If you do, yours will be a Marriage as God intended.

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Woww.. I absolutely loved reading their 21things and I hope to 'chewit' even more. When I read no 11, I was like Hallelujah!! Hahaha.. But I am learning.

Marriage is beautiful, very beautiful - God made it so. Our prayer is that marriages will begin to fulfil the purpose for which God created it and that we will enjoy fulfilling relationships and marriages in our lives in Jesus name.

Thank you very much Mr and Mrs Nelson, may God continue to bless and keep your home in Jesus name.

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Please visit Mrs Bola Nelson aka Salt's blog www.thesaltchronicles.com
Also follow on Twitter @saltmatters7 

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Do you have any questions or comments please send us an email oneplustheone@gmail.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/1plustheone
Twitter: @1plustheone
Instagram: @1plustheone


Saturday, 18 October 2014

20 things about Me + Versatile Award

Hiya everyone!

It's a Saturday so let's do a fun post! I hope your day is going great? For me, I am having a great time at my nephew's first birthday party eating small chops and dancing ijo yoyo (Oh how I love children's parties - plenty food, no stress *covers face*)

Happy birthday my dearest, darling cutie dimpled pie Ayooluwatitomi Funsho.. Aunty loves you muchos. I pray that God will make you very great. I can see greatness all over you already and I pray that you will make God and your parents very proud!


Birthday Boy and mee! :-D
So, I have been tagged by a few bloggers and I have been very very bad at responding.. I have slacked so much, I don't even know how or where to start from.. But *rolls sleeves*, let's try somehow somehow..

Today, I will do the 20s Tag given by the lovely Blogger Toinlicious.. Thanks hun *kisses".

This is the only picture of the lovely Toin that can be found on Blogsville!
Also, my darling Erniesha nominated me for "The Versatile Blogger Award" Whoop whooop! Tibs, you rock, thanks mami!

Beautiful Tibs of life!
The only rule for the 20s tag is to say 20 random things about yourself (20?!!)

For the Versatile Award, it's as follows:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award - Thank you Tibs, I know if anyone does, you deserve this hun.. You are super-fly fresh and there's always something worth reading on your blog! xx

2. Include a link to their blog - Visit the FAB Tibs here www.everydaytibs.blogspot.com

3.Next, select 15 blogs/bloggers that you have recently discovered or follow regularly - The thing is that Tibs has nominated many of my favourites.. But let's seee!

4. Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award (you might include a link to VBA site.)

5. Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself. (That's definitely easier than 20! lol)

20 Things:

1. I am not very good at responding to tags, lol.. Figures right?

2. I am almost as bad responding to emails sometimes (sorry!)

3. I enjoy being busy....

4. Saying that, one of my favourite phrases is "I am tired".. My ex (I hate that word by the way, why give continuous significance? lol) once said I enjoy being tired (maybe/maybe not :-D)

5. I love music and singing.. In my mind I conduct this amazing choir (If you see my conducting skills mehn.. My imaginary choir are just awesome!).. I sing in the bath, on the road (I lose myself many times until I notice people giving me strange looks).

6. I lovee dancing too! When I was at University, I would actively sing and dance walking from Uni to my house (people definitely shook their heads and thought wryly "Africans!" tut tut :-D

7. I talk and dance with my hands. (I am that girl who is flaying and waving her hands randomly as she dances).

8. It takes a while for me to completely let go with people, however sometimes, I meet someone and we just click (not very often though).

9. I can day-dream + night-dream for Africa!

10. I used to cry a LOT when I was younger. To God be the glory - no more! lol (I pray my children don't inherit it please)

No more tears, all smiles lol
11. I used to like things done my way in the past lol ('used to' and 'past' being the operative words.. Ok, maybe still do a little :-D *work in progress*)

12. I think food is one of the greatest pleasures God gave man -_-

13. I want my children to look like their fathers. (I actually wrote 'fathers' first, biko, only one father please oh!)

14. I have a special love-relationship with Cake.. 

15. I don't like shopping. I like dressing up though.

16. (I don't have anything to write again).

17. I love words.. I love cards, I like when I read from someone I like.. I could read it again and again and go 'aww' like it's the first time. I have cards from years and years ago!

18. I am a family girl.. I take them very very seriously.

19. I don't like a guy who talks too much lol.. I talk too much, we need some balance plix.

20. I love Lovee (What? You didn't know that?? Hehehe)

**Finallyyyy we got there! If you read it to the end, you are simply amazing! Thank you.

Ok, now to the Versatile Award.. Tibs is one of my favourite bloggers who I believe has a heart of gold so let me tell her some things I wouldn't normally share. Right Tibs? Right :-) xx

1. So I said I cry a lot right? Well mami, when my first boyfriend and I broke up, I cried for days.. We were young, no need for all that (well I saw the light later). However, I think the most painful heart-wrenching break-up was with my last boyfriend.. I needed God to take away the hurt. 

2. I enjoy public speaking and do a bit of hosting/compering here and there.

3. I am a night person! I wish I could work at night only. I think I am more productive at night!

4. When I was younger, my dream job was to be one of Fela's (Anikulapo-Kuti) dancers.. I admired the skimpy cloths and the flexible dance-steps.. In my mind, that was the dreammm *nods head* 

5. I analyse (and over-analyse) things a lot! Call me Detective One... (I am retiring though, it's not good for my peace of mind at all!)

6. I am borrowing this one from you Tibs - I absolutely love bringing people together. I love expressions of love, I want us all to sing peace and harmony songs and get along etc etc.

7. I absolutely enjoy serving people. I may not like cooking (yet) but I love catering to people, hosting, entertaining etc.. I revel in that :-D

*Phew* I made it!! I did!! Yayyyyyyy!!!!

Thank you very much for the nomination ladies, I am very grateful. 

God bless you muchos! *kisses*

Now, I nominate these absolutely amazing bloggers for The Versatile Bloggers Award:

2. Frances Okoro - Imperfectly Perfect Lives
3. Eziaha
12. Atilola 
13. Sykik
15. Tobi Atte - Ijustmetme

Please click on their names and check out their blogs too! xx

Friday, 17 October 2014

Dear Daddy

My Darling Father and Friend,

I look forward to writing to you each week (and speaking to you as often as possible). Most High God, words cannot express how grateful I am to to You for making it possible for me to come boldly to you and to have a relationship with You - Father to daughter. No protocols, just me and You.

Thank You for Your Son Jesus whom You gave up to die for our sins so that our relationship with You can be fully restored.

My Superman! The One that makes me complete in every way, I am satisfied with You in every way. You are the best thing that could ever happen to me!!!

I thank You for doing things in spectacular fashion. You never do things by half measures, Your ways are always superb! You did it by parting the red sea for the children of Israel when it seemed to them like the end had come..

You did it for Abraham and Sarah when You gave them a wonderful son, Isaac to show that You keep promises and You are the real Covenant Keeper.

You did it for Naomi, just when she thought her life was over, you renewed her joy by blessing her with a grandson through her wonderful daughter-in-law Ruth.

You did it for Ruth who must have thought that life was over for her since she lost her husband and was moving to a new place with new customs, but You surprised her by giving her one of the most eligible men in town - Boaz.. A man that many ladies still use as a point of contact till today :-)

You did it for Jarius, he thought His daughter was gone but You said no "She's only sleeping" and so it was, for a girl who had stopped living came alive when the Fountain of Life stepped in..

How can I forget Lazarus? That was a forgotten case! A lost cause.. Dead for 1,2,3 days! Yet, when you, the One who controls life and death stopped by, death had to reject Lazarus, because its Master called out "Lazarus, come forth!"

You are the One who holds the key of David in Your hands - You open the door that no man can shut, you shut the door and no man can open! You are the One who speaks a thing and it is done, You even call the things that are not as though they were. You decree a thing and it is established. Papa, impossible is nothing with You!

I stand in awe of You, I respect You, I honour You, I fear You, I am amazed by You, I submit to You, I ascribe greatness to You, I admit that only You are Lord, I confess You as my Saviour, I love You my King.

You rock, You reign, You rule!

Love today and always,
One xx


Thursday, 16 October 2014

Conversations with One: PDA, to be or not to be?

Hiya! It's another edition of Conversations with One! *cue music*

A little introduction for first-timers:

Conversations with One is a chat-series on the blog.

Each week, the 1 + TheOne panel (made up of beloved and very wise friends with a variety of personalities) and I bring you snippets of our 'round-table' discussions from a male/female perspective.. We talk about any and every thing!!

Ladies! Have you ever wanted to get into the mind of a guy? (I know I do! lol), and for guys, I bet once in a while you wish you could just read her mind! Well hopefully week after week, we get to bridge that gap!

You can have a look at the last conversation where we had a very interesting discussion on the importance of your significant other/partner getting along with your family. You can read it and other previous episodes HERE.

Ok, unto this week's conversation:

"Closed or Public Relationship: Is it better to keep your relationship a secret or would you rather go public with it?"

Now this question was inspired by some tweets by the popular Publisher of Genevieve Magazine in,Nigeria, Mrs Betty Irabor who said that celebrities should stop living out their relationships on social media as it contributes to problems in the relationship!

Do you think it is wiser to be more covert about your relationship or is it alright to shout it from the rooftop aka PDA (Public Display of Affection)? So putting 'In a relationship' on Facebook, putting up pictures on social media, tweeting about it, BBM display picture etc.. Or should one keep quiet about it until probably 'I Do' or never?

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Ms MIA: Hmmmm! I had to consult with Mr SO himself (wink*) and in his words "If you love someone, it will come out somehow. You will speak about it and you will flaunt it especially if you're sure you're with the right person".....yayyyy!

I absolutely agree with him that love is obvious and it's expressive. Matter of fact, it shows in our countenance when we're in love how much more your attitude (including expressions).
I have no problems at all updating your status on FB or changing DPs and Status messages to show the SO, it's our way of showing appreciation for what we have and love.
I'm also not against writing to and about the SO now and again publicly.

However, I'm not over expressive to publicly display affection all the time. I still love a little bit of privacy (that's my own personality).
Celebrities might suffer much from PDAs because some are too quick to hop into relationships and mostly because they seem to date and marry very fast!

Flash in a pan
One: SO consultation tinz! Lol. Niceee. I feel like we're getting 2 for the price of 1 here. Loveeeet!!

I agree with you that when you're happy in love, proud of the person and sure, you want to be expressive about it. You can't hide love. Now the question is - are we ever sure until we say 'I do'?

Nubian Princess: I took a leaf out of my darling MIA's book and had a convo with the S.O... The points raised came about after our discussion... 
 1. A relationship is between two people and the choice to be public or private should be discussed between them and a 'privacy setting' agreed, based on personalities. However, whatever the privacy setting, if you truly love your SO, he/she will feature in your conversations.

2. A problem with 'streaming every kiss online' sometimes leads to one couple benchmarking their union against another. "Ify's boo gave her flowers. I saw it on instagram! Yet you haven't even given me an ordinary card.." Wahala enters. But maybe maturity levels of the people in the relationship also come into play here.

     Competition?  
                                           Pic Source                                           
3. What is the relationship? Sometimes, if it's new or if either or both parties are unsure of each other, then limited sharing with the world makes sense no matter how much affection there is. However, if there is security and if there is integrity and validation, then it's easy to share, no matter how 'new' the relationship is.

4. If you work together... DISCRETION IS KEY!!! Especially if the relationship doesn't work out for whatever reason. One needs to be VERY, VERY careful about how you handle office romance!

Shhh.. Office romance in progress
Pic Source
And in conclusion... Privacy and Discretion are two different things! Discretion is always advised... Not everything Darling Boo Dearest says or does should be announced to the world, but at the same time, you can show whatever public display of affection makes you both comfortable.

Mr NumeroUno: I echo Nubian Princess.

One: Yes, yes. Interestingly, we often hear this complaint "he never even put my picture up or write on my wall!". Now that may sound petty but people of God when you really dig someone, it's very difficult to not talk about them or like Nubian said 'slip into conversations'.
No pictures?! Don't you attend events together? Is he/she the 'world's best kept secret'. Yet the said person will be 'liking' pictures of other couples oh! Lol

Would this help per'aps? :-D
Ms PYT: I totally agree with the earlier comments. It's hard to keep quiet when you are truly in love and there's nothing wrong in displaying this on social media but with wisdom.
You don't want to also fall into the category of women who hide their relationships and find out later that their man is either married or has a girl friend. I have a very close friend who was dating this guy and they both agreed to keep it out of the public eye but unfortunately, the guy had been married for several years without a child but my friend only found out when things had become really serious between them! This story ended badly...

One: If your SO is not talking about you, please be very worried. That's my thought. All these "let's not say because people are wicked" = lie from the pit of hell lol

Ms Hope: I feel it is impossible to cover love. Love cannot be as a covert operation because love in its very nature is expressive.
If you have a guy/girl that says 'let's keep this secret', alarm bells should blare as the other might have serious debris to hide. ‎
However, degree of PDA varies from couple to couple, orientation, exposure, beliefs etc.

One: Secret relationships are never a good idea.. Like you said, love in its nature is expressive.
Ok, where are the men please? Too much oesstrogen in the atmosphere.. Is it the same for you? Do you think PDA or the lack of it is a problem? Personally, would you mind if your wife or SO never mentions you in public or talks about you?

Mr JohnNash: I think every relationship has its set of challenges, the more public it is, the more opinions on the relationship, the more the challenges, the more the headache. That's why I admire girls who are private.

So maybe the reverse word is not secret. I would rather keep my relationship private. Less opinion, less comparisons, more focus on the other party.

Not! lol
One: I think I will save my response for others to comment..

What do you think? Would you prefer an open/expressive or (very) private relationship?

Let's talk..

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