Friday, 17 April 2015

TONIGHT is the Night!! London Festival of Life, April 2015

The London Festival of Life is here again!!


If you haven't attended one then you definitely need to make it right!! It's always a life-changing, unforgettable time!! The presence of God is amazing, the worship, the drama(!!), the testimonies! All so amazing.. 

TONIGHT, Excel Exhibition Centre, Custom House, London, 7PM.

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PS If you're not in London/UK, you can also watch online or

Follow on social media as well:

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

Another Chance...

"No matter how far off the path you have gotten from the plans and purposes God has for you, when you surrender your life to the Lord and declare your utter dependence upon Him, He carves a path from where you are supposed to be, and He sets you on it."

I read the beautiful quote above in the beautiful book - Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie Omartian.

As I read it, it brought such a huge reassurance to me and I hope it does the same for you too..

No matter how far you think you have gone or strayed away from God and His plan for your life, it's not too late for you to achieve them. You will make it!

Even if you imagine or know that you missed a great opportunity - relationship, career, family, ministry - God can give you a brand new one! Don't think because it is gone that it marks the end in your life and destiny.. No way! That's why God is GOD.. He who gave the opportunity in the first place can give you another by His grace and mercy.

You can come back on course by God's grace at whatever age or time you are and pray to God for mercy for a fresh start, a new beginning. He can do it!

I am reminded of the Potter and the Clay in Jeremiah 18:4

 "But the pot He was shaping from the clay was marred in His hands; so the Potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him". 

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The Potter who formed you in the first place and gave you a purpose (Jer 1:5) can re-form you to make you all that He wants you to be even if you have been marred.

Your experiences, circumstances and past do not disqualify you from being the fullness of ALL that God plans for you. You might have made mistakes, taken a wrong turn, made poor decisions in the past but the moment you come back to Him and surrender it all, He can give you another chance.

Embrace it, don't let the devil tell you lies that it's over, or that it's no longer possible, for with God, nothing shall be impossible!

You will achieve your purpose, you will reach your goal, and God will take all the glory.


Monday, 13 April 2015

The Purpose Centre presents Kickstarters of Vision 2.0

The 2nd edition of the live edition of KICSTARTERS of VISION is HERE and would be holding on Saturday, the 18th of April 2015, and this edition is strictly for ladies (pregnant with a dream).

Registration is free! You can register online or call 07032472538 or BBM: 24D3BB56 to register.

Note: only 70 seats available!

"The KICKSTARTERS of Vision weekly twitter teaching series is an inspired idea to share the biblical principles that have been used since the inception of the vision we received from God to 'raise a PURPOSE-driven generation of nation builders'" - Noah Toluleke (Convener, Kickstarters of Vision)

If you miss attending the 2nd edition of the live edition strictly for ladies, please join them every Monday by 6pm on twitter @kingnoahspeaks or #kickstarters!

Please ensure you finish the race God put you on this earth to run…but you cannot finish until you kick-start it.


Thursday, 2 April 2015

Conversations with One - I Can't Deal with their Past!

Hello and welcome to another edition of Conversations with One!! Happy New Month as well! It's the month of April and we are excited!! May showers of blessings be upon you and yours in Jesus name.

No long intros today, let's cut right to the discussion today, right? :-)

"I am in a relationship with this lovely person - very special and I care deeply for the person (I could almost call it love). However, recently I found out something that they did in the past. Even though it is in the past, it is now affecting our relationship as I can't get it out of my mind. Do you think it matters? Should I just call it a day now. How do I handle this?!"

So, ladies and gentlemen, what do you think?

'How much should the past affect the present/future?'
Ms MIA: If I found myself in this situation, I would ask myself a few questions before even attempting to make a decision on this matter:
- Do I love him/her? I can see from the first sentence that they are not sure they love the person in question
- What has he/she done and are they remorseful/repentant?
- If need be, have they restituted for that past error or are they willing to if God leads them in that direction?
- Are they willing to move past that error themselves? Only because you may be willing to forgive yet the person hasn't forgiven him/herself.

If the answer to these questions are positive, then I will go ahead with the relationship. To start with, it's not my own error. Secondly, since the person is a Christian I believe that once they repent and God leads them on the path of forgiveness and restitution (for some), there is then no condemnation.

Image result for repent and let go
Where there is repentance and God has forgiven, there is no condemnation
One: Hmmm, that's interesting.

Ms MIA: I learnt something today from a gospel teaching that Christ died as the atonement for sins and the reason for forgiveness therefore we shouldn't expect it from people. This means that I am meant to forgive people who hurt/offend me because of Christ and the price He paid, not because of them and what they did or can do.
My last two questions are really for the sake of the partner and in order to have a peaceful relationship because it's just too hard when people lock themselves in chains of unforgiveness even though they ought to be free. This bondage affects many couples in today's world.

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Inability to forgive yourself can be a huge bondage.. Break FREE!
One: Thanks a lot for this Ms MIA. You're right, it's important to check if the person has forgiven themselves. It can be a huge shackle and stumbling block in the relationship if the person themselves won't let go.
On the other hand, while forgiveness is the way forward,  how about if I cannot bear the thought of having someone with that particular past as a spouse? Eg something that might have a repercussion or consequences?

NubianPrincess: Like Ms MIA said, I think it really boils down to 3 questions:

1. Do you love the person and are you convinced that he/she is God's best for you?

2. Can you live with the thought of what the person has done without anger or condemnation or unforgiveness?

3. If there are consequences from the past mistake, can you live with the consequences and be happy?

If the answers to the above are all yes, then I think the person can go ahead with the relationship.

But if there is any doubt as to the acceptance and love you can show the person without throwing the past mistake in the person's face at every turn, then please hold on, take a break, pray about it and then make a decision.

Especially as Christians, (again like Ms MIA said), if the person has truly repented, there is no condemnation, so we too cannot set ourselves up as judge over others. If the person is a good person, has genuinely repented, and adds to your happiness, then I'd advise you go ahead.

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You have no right to play Judge and jury!
One: Great points and questions to consider. Do you think the ability to accept the past and go ahead with the relationship depends on individuals as well? What's your tolerance threshold?

Miss Me
: Yes One, I do think it depends on the person themselves as well. Some people in their nature can easily let go of things and look ahead whilst some do not let go as easily. If the past offence is already a considerable issue while courting then it will only become an even bigger issue in marriage.

One: Very true!

Miss Me: Obviously if this is somebody you believe and are convicted that you can make a home with, then of course God is more than able to heal the person and let it not be an issue. But you also have to be willing to let go.

Frankly speaking, spiritually and practically pray about it, speak to someone trustworthy, it's also worth letting the "offending" partner know why and how you're struggling with the offence and then make your decision after careful God-led consideration.

: Brilliant point. Indeed, it is important to communicate how you feel to your partner. Communication is key!

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It is important to be open in communication. Lovingly convey your thoughts to them
NubianPrincess: Let me give an example to "buttress'' the point again... We were having a discussion in my team at work a few weeks back. We're two girls and 4 guys.

We had asked the guys if they could marry a girl who's had an abortion. One guy said no, and the others were very open to marrying her, saying who hasn't made a mistake and all that... However, when the point came to what if the abortion(s) have affected her ability to have children, they weren't as quick to answer.... After a lot of thought, 2 of the guys were like "nah...." But the other one was like sure... that they'll explore adoption etc

Essentially, it boils down to personality... Like Miss Me said, some people have a low tolerance level and some people have a high tolerance level... You need to know what works for you... You need to COMMUNICATE openly so that you and your partner understand the challenge you're facing and maybe even that discussion can help allay some of your worries. Also, speaking to a TRUSTED, WISDOM-FILLED person is important and can help you really see the issues as they are...

Most importantly, you need to PRAY!!! The Holy Spirit always has a way of calming us, guiding us and giving us peace about the decisions we must take! :)

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Don't neglect the important place of prayer - to ask for direction, peace and grace to handle the situation
One: Thanks for drawing from a live discussion and sharing what seems like a mini opinion poll :-).

Ms UTA: Let me take it further... What would be your reaction if the person had committed cold blood murder as a former leader of a cult while in university? This one is hard oh! A murderer? The lady would sleep with one eye opened should they get married, lol

NubianPrincess: Mur-gini??

Hmmmmm... This one is hard ooooh!!! I'm very tolerant usually, but I already have a lot of issues sleeping at night... How will I manage if I know hubby dearest has killed before? Will I be next? My children nko? Will I be comfortable leaving the kids with him?

Hian! This is a different ball game ooh... GOD has to show me a living vision and confirm it through a number of people and maybe speak directly from heaven before I will 'gree ooh...

Then what will I tell Mummy and Daddy Nubian? Or my sister? Or I won't disclose?? I have to disclose oh, incase I go missing one day...

Ahn, One... This one has passed me... My heart rate has tripled just now...

Let me make a cup of Earl Grey and relax.... Murder... God help us oooh!!!

Image result for murder
Blood on their hands?!
One: Loll.. NubianP, calm down! 
One of my friends who became a toaster had told me previously about him being in a cult. I suspect (almost 100%) that he's killed quite a number of people in his lifetime. He was the leader. 

If you saw him, you would never believe he could harm a fly. Good looking, very kind and considerate person. He's a Christian and you cannot imagine him being in a cult, not to talk of harming someone else.

To be honest, when I slightly considered the possibility of being with him, his past came flashing up like a neon sign! I was thinking of the spiritual and physical implications oh! However, I believe that if he showed beyond a shadow of doubt that he was sold out to Christ, I would definitely consider it. (And ask God to talk to my family, haha)

I think discussing your fears would depend on the relationship you have with the person. If you cannot discuss it then check your friendship (it's very hard though, I must confess) because you don't want them feeling bad about themselves on your account. (Particularly something they've told you in confidence)

Ms PYT: I think it's easier to point fingers at people when we are on the other end of the game.
If only we knew everyone's past, I wonder who we'll talk to.
The past should remain in the past and forgotten.
To answer Ms UTA's questions. most cultists were either forced to join or suppressed to peer pressure. Most cultists don't announce that they were once cultists or hit men. As long as the person is a changed person and his character doesn't reflect otherwise, every other thing is irrelevant.

To the main topic
I sometimes wonder as Christians if we really practise what the bible says. It's easier to love someone when everything is going fine. To be honest, when a person's past can affect their future, then it's really worth thinking about.

: Hmmmm definitely something to think about... If I had a 'past' would I want to be judged by it all my life? 

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If no, then why can't I extend the same grace to others?
To be honest, it's easier said than done.

Guys where are you?! We need male opinion(s) as well! :-D

Mr Motivation
: I intend to be very very I once heard Mike Murdock say "What you say is not as important as what people remember" and it's based on this statement that I give my comment.

One: Proceed sire, proceed!

Mr Motivation
: You see marriage is for life and by that being so, one must be careful not to carry along any baggage that may cut short a journey that was meant for a lifetime. My reason for this is that, it is imperative that one must forgive and do all things necessary to forget, because any reminder of the past through spoken words have the potential of destroying what was meant to be beautiful.

Miss PYT dropped some 'hot rhema' at the Lounge (our House Fellowship)  and it was based on the scripture Ephesians 5:24 - Husbands, love your wife as Christ loves the church. This goes to show that as a Husband, I must represent Christ and if He was forgiving and forgetting, so must I. So in other words, for me to have a happy and fruitful marriage, I must love as Christ does the church. With that said, e no easy but Grace is made available.

: Nice one, very nice one. I am currently writing an article for work on the sacrifice of love in relation to Easter and Jesus' ultimate sacrifice, and I am having to ask some deep questions to test how deep your love is and mehnnn.. Odikwa very serious.. (I should share the list actually).

When people say "I can die for you!". It may be wise to truly truly think about what the implication is.. If you can die for me, then all these things should be minor.. lol

Image result for jesus dying on the cross
Are you willing to pay the ultimate sacrifice for love's sake?
Like Mr Motivation said, e no easy but grace is made available :-)

On that note ladies and gentlemen, we welcome you to join in the discussion. What do you think? What would you do? Would you be willing to marry someone with a 'heavy past'? Or would it be too much for you to handle?

Remember that 1 + The One is very social :-) Please connect with us on:

Twitter: @1plustheone
Instagram: @1plustheone

Also, if you have any question or comment please send us an email too -


Guess what??!! We got nominated!! Yayy!
Thank God, 1 + The One is one of the blogs nominated in the Nigerian Blog Awards in the category 'Best Faith-based Blog'! (Category no 7)

Please be kind, vote. vote vote 1 + The One HERE!:-)

Thank you beautiful people for your wonderful support!! God bless you! xx

Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Married and Loving It!!! feat Mr and Mrs Kofo and Sam Babatunde

It's been a while (and a half) and I honestly cannot tell you how excited I am to be bringing you another Married and Loving It feature!

After the last beautiful one where we featured Dr and Mrs Iwobi, I didn't envisage that it would take this long to bring you another one. The idea was to have it every fortnight right? lol. Anyway, thank God for today.

I am very excited because today's couple are people that I respect a lot! Even though they have been married for a whooping 30 years(!), their look belie their age and their affection towards each other seems like they are fresh in the marriage institution.

When we see married couples like them, it makes one look forward expectantly to getting married and alleviates fears of enduring'' marriage as opposed to enjoying it (as God intends for you and I).

Not only are they role models, they are also passionate about helping others achieve that spark and beauty in their marriage too as the Conveners of 'The Marriage Course' here in Nigeria (You should read about this absolutely fantastic and very popular course/seminar for married couples of all ages which started off in England by Nicky and Sila Lee).

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the wonderful Mr and Mrs Samuel and Kofoworola Babatunde.
Mr and Mrs Babatunde - Journey of Love
Mr and Mrs Babatunde, it is a real pleasure having you on the 'Love Seat' today! Thank you very much for being gracious enough to give us a glimpse into your home. Could you kindly introduce yourselves?

We are Sam and Kofo Babatunde. We have been married for 30 years, and are blessed with 4 lovely adult children.

Wow.. 30 years! That's wonderful! It doesn't seem that way at all. We would definitely like to know how you met each other 

We met at my wife (Kofo)'s 2nd cousin's naming ceremony 32 years ago in Ibadan. Her cousin is my friend and soon as I stepped into the house and sighted Kofo, I kind of knew she would be my wife. Kofo on the other hand also admired this handsome gentleman with jerry-curled hair (Though she would never have anything to do with a jerry-curl headed man). I was an exception because she saw beyond the head that was no longer to be curled thereafter. We got talking all evening and continued after she went back to her university in Lagos. About one year later, I proposed marriage to Kofo and she gladly accepted. We got married one year later.

Aww that is wonderful.. (lol @ jerry-curled hair). Please tell us about your wedding day. Any special memories or highlights fro the day that you'd like to share with us please?

Mr Babatunde: It was one (or the only one) stress-free marriage ever for me! It was in faraway Japan, where everything worked so effectively and not much needed to be worried about. It was a wedding on a platter of gold.
Mrs Babatunde: I was like Cinderella who rode on the horse with her Prince to a life happily lived ever least the first few days... (Those days there were no destination weddings, but ours felt as such, so was very special)
Finally, the national wedding feel... With the Nigerian embassy staff heavily involved, international involvement and Sam's colleagues from Nigeria it made us overlook the fact that our immediate families were absent.

Memories from our Wedding :-)
... And after the fairytale wedding, what came next? How were the early years of marriage?\

It was an interesting discovery to realize that the persons dating were totally different from the persons married. The first thing to disappear was the Cinderella thing. The prince was not so charming after all and neither was Cinderella that fair.

There were major adjustments for me (Kofo) as I gradually realized in the first few months that my freedom was gone with the wind...rather shocking!

We enjoyed a good friendship mixed with challenges and also the blessings of bringing our children into this world, though it came with its own stress; but the joy of parenthood was really special.

Thank God for that and thank Him for sustaining your friendship over the years. We are so grateful to you for sharing with us.. But it's not quite over yet.. :-)
Since you've been married for 30years, we ask that you please share with us 30 lessons that marriage has taught you...

1. We learnt that prayer is the key to a successful marriage. When you report everything to God, He takes the issues over and gives wisdom for application.

2. Never play with devotion. The Word is the powerhouse of any marriage

3. A good marriage begins with the resolution "my marriage must work; no plan B" This actually got us working at it and never giving up.

4. Love is not blind. The blockades to sight clear off after 'I do' and reality begins.

5. Love is a decision and not a default. (You've got to work at it and work it out).

6. Communication is not a choice but a must. We enjoy open communication with one another.

7. There is need for conscious commitment to the marriage.

8. We learnt to be pro-active in managing extended family interferences. You cannot leave this area to solve itself.

9. Setting boundaries for extended families and the opposite sex for prudence and fidelity.

10. Consciously carving out time for one another helped to keep the flame of our love burning. 

11. Never put conflicting issues between us but in front of us and then tackle them from a united front.

12. Never go to bed without making peace with one another.

13. We learnt to park unresolvable issues for some time to reflect on them and then come back to them.

14. To say sorry even if you are not wrong, more often than not, it brings the offending partner to repentance.

15. Forgive and keep forgiving one another. We have resolved to forbear one another.

16. Prudence in financial management...saying no to impulsive buying and yes to joint consultation before commitment

17. We have learnt to respect and be courteous to each other. Never take one another for granted. 

18. We do not allow familiarity to breed contempt.

19. We learnt never to rebuke one another publicly.

20. To train up children when they are younger though very time consuming. It brings rest when they are grown.

21. Maintaining common criteria for children upbringing and discipline. 

22. Learnt that every child is unique and so address their specific differences.

23. Never have favourites among the children. It wrecks family unity and love.

24. Children upbringing is a continuum (even until they are married) so prepare for their various seasons and requirements.

25. Living by example is the best way to train the children.

26. Never say too many NOs to children, but when you say NO, mean it.

27. Children should be treated with respect and regards due them. We learnt not to rebuke our children publicly.

28. Learnt not to compare our children with others as we realized that children (particularly when brought up well) are usually better behaved in the presence of strangers than they do at home. It is interesting to note that some good comments we hear about our children from outsiders, we struggle to see at home in their growing up years.

29. We learnt to give one another space now and then, so we do not suffocate our friendship and love

30. We have learnt to identify one another's needs and do our best to satisfy them. Learnt to keep non-sexual body touch several times in the course of the day. It just keeps us going…

30 years on... Still Married and Loving It!
I have to admit, Married and Loving It is one of my favourite series on the blog. It is encouraging to read about the experiences and unique stories of each couple in the course of their beautiful journey of marriage.

One of the main aims of starting out this series was to show that a beautiful and long-lasting marriage is real and still very possible by God's grace. Even in the face of reports of marriage break-ups in the media, the truth remains that marriages are still working. 

Are there ups and downs? Sure! However, as the couples we have featured on the series have shown, with God at the centre of it all, you and I can have not just a mere coming together, but love, commitment, attraction, friendship, longevity, faithfulness, joy and a lot more!

For those who are struggling to believe this, I pray that God will renew your mind and embolden your faith to believe that He can make it possible. May your marriage be exceptional in Jesus name.

For those who are looking forward to having their own fairy God-tale, I pray that it would happen for you and happen in a way that is far beyond what you asked for or imagined in Jesus name.

God is love, and where He is, love dwells there #MarriedandLovingIt


You can read previous Married and Loving It posts HERE

Also, if you'd like to know more about the Marriage Course in Nigeria, please contact me in the email below!

Do you have any questions or comments? Or do you know a couple that could be featured here? Please send us an email

Twitter: @1plustheone
Instagram: @1plustheone


Guess what??!! We got nominated!! Yayy!
Thank God, 1 + The One is one of the blogs nominated in the Nigerian Blog Awards in the category 'Best Faith-based Blog'! (Category no 7)

Please be kind, vote. vote vote 1 + The One HERE! :-)

Thank you beautiful people for your wonderful support!! God bless you! xx

Thursday, 26 March 2015

Conversations with One: Abstinence? That's HER Problem!

*Phew* It seems like it's been ages since we last had a proper conversation! :-D

How are you lovely people? Thanks to all those who asked after the panel.. They are great! albeit a bit swamped lol.. But it does feel great to be back!

Do you know, we have been having this particular conversation for the past 3weeks! lol.. I believe it is worth the time.. Remember, we only just kick-started the discussion and we have not by any means covered every aspect therefore we welcome you joining us via the comment section! Please feel free to express yourself.. Deal?

If it's your first time here, you are most welcome!! You can read the introduction to the series HERE and also read previous convos HERE.

This week's topic goes thus:

Many times, when we talk about pre-marital sex and chastity, a lot of emphasis is placed on the importance for young ladies. However, we know as Christians that the rule applies to both male and female. Some people have said that it is more difficult for men to abstain.. What do you think, true or false? Also, why do you think so? Finally what ways can a man help himself to remain celibate until marriage..

Ok, without further ado, let's proceed..... xx


Ms PYT: Hello all, guys should be able to do justice to this topic.
A lot of emphasis is placed on young girls about pre-marital sex because they bear the brunt of it. There's a saying in Yoruba "Ti idi ba baje to ni idi lo mada" literally, it means - if the buttocks get spoilt, it's the problem of the owner.
Spiritually,the rule applies to both male and female. Anyone who wants to honour God will abstain from pre-marital sex but as we all know, body no be firewood. There are practical things one can do to make it possible.

Image result for body no be firewood
..But body can be put under submission.. Yes? :-)
MissMe: I agree with Ms PYT, the same "rules" apply to both men and women. Even outside Christianity there is still that bias against women when it comes to sexual relations. There are so many terms for women who sleep around (prostitute, whore etc) but men are just seen as players. More importantly God does not play gender when it comes to premarital sex. It'd do us a lot of good if equal emphasis is placed on both genders to abstain as God requires us to. All of our bodies are holy temples and we should keep it that way!

Ms Angel: I don't have much to say, as a lot has been said already. But I do agree that there isn't as much pressure on men to save their virginity till marriage. In many parts of the world, I believe it's because there's a link between losing virginity and reaching manhood. Socially, guys may be perceived to be weak, or not yet on a level of 'ultimate maturity' if they abstain.

Miss PYT was spot on, as men can, in practise, find it easier to run away from unplanned pregnancies but women don't have that luxury of foregoing the consequences (even if they get an abortion, it can still haunt them). 

Image result for pregnant woman chasing man
When the tides turn...
Well, the Bible does say that we are in the world and not of it. And I've heard a few experiences from male Christians who didn't really hear from home what it means to be "a man", so they learnt from others and society instead.
And I believe so much in the family unit, (physical and spiritual) as it can make such a powerful impact in raising godly generations.
So I would encourage men and fathers in Christ to continue to teach the next generation the bold truth about it... That it pays to be sometimes 'socially different', but still on route in the faith.

Mr NumeroUno: There is no other way to put it, call it whatever you like, it is known as fornication, and it is a high risk too expensive to afford. (Male or female)

One: .. And Mr NumeroUno goes in hard, no mincing words! Go ahead please..

Mr NumeroUno: Okay, so I recognize it as what it is, but how do I practically help myself?

1. RENEW YOUR MIND through the Word of God. DAILY!!! .

2. What do you watch? and what do you listen to? If you see what you shouldn't see, remove your eyes, and look in another direction. I had this cousin, who would even begin to speak in tongues right there and then (lol) He doesn't care. Check the gateway, guard your heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life.

3. Fruit of the Holy Spirit. For those who say, marry so you don't sin. Na lie o! More than checking the sinful lust of adultery, God expects you to have self control, and to yield not to temptation, for yielding is sin. Flee youthful lost, run away from sin. 

Image result for run away from sin
Run, Run, Run! Now is the time to RUN!!
Because, if a man's wife dies?
Will he begin to sleep around and expect God to understand?
Even if he will remarry, will you remarry in the next three weeks?
or Will you hold yourself?
If a man's wife is incapacitated in the hospital for a season? What do you do? Cheat on her? SELF CONTROL

This is learnt first as a Youth, as a single, and also exercised from time to time even within the marriage bed. That is why fasting and prayer for couples is also important. Because like other physical exercises, practise makes perfect. When you have learnt the art of restraint even in the time of abundance, you will then be able to exercise it, in the time of lack. 

One: This is so true! It is important to practise self-control, because many times in life, you may not have control of the situation or circumstance.. What do you do then?

Mr NumeroUno: Yes indeed! Just a few more tips to help... COMPANY. Watch who you walk with. The companion of fools shall be destroyed. If you are surrounded by fire, you will be hot. If you stay close to the refrigerator you will be cold. 
Finally, ask the Saviour to help you, and admit you cannot help yourself, and he will see you through. Anybody that thinks he stands or is infallible should just know that, in the end, it is only the grace and help of God, that makes it achievable. 

Image result for man prayer
Very importantly, ask Jesus for grace.. It's possible, and you don't have to do it alone
Mr Motivation: I am not sure that I totally agree with the notion that it is harder for men to abstain from sex. My reason being that, where one has engaged in any sexually intimate act, I feel it may be hard for such a person to resist subsequent opportunities given the pleasure obtained prior and this difficulty in resisting also applies to the female gender as well. So I believe that the ability to abstain is anchored solely on self control and discipline; which can be expounded in different dimensions such as
1. Asking for the Grace of God
2. Commitment of both the male and the female on the subject of celibacy.
3. Having an accountability partner, someone who both parties revere, preferably mentors or a spiritual head.
4. Setting of boundaries as to curfews, limit or extent to which both can cuddle (lol) because "it is from clapping that one starts dancing" etc.
5. Setting a likely timeline to consummating the relationship into marriage so as to enable them have something to look forward to; a time when they can both explore their sexual.....(I don't know the word to use)

Image result for planning your wedding
Set a likely timeline where possible.. It gives you something to look forward to!
One: Lol.. Thanks a lot Mr Motivation.. Nice one!

Mr Agbalagbaski: I agree with what Mr Motivation has written. In addition to this is to not to take it a month at a time, but to take it a day at a time!

My preference are as follows
Ask for grace from God especially if both are/have been sexually active
Pray that God will kill the urge until marriage
I don't know about telling your spiritual head or mentor about whether you've had sex, in my opinion this is dependent on the depth of relationship and also who's mentor really is the person.
The question is are you comfortable telling your spiritual head you're having sex, if not you need to build a relationship to that point
Minimise the time spent alone especially in enclosed environment, or after dark
Watch what you both watch and listen to
I agree with his points in no 4 and 5 too!

One: Thanks Mr Agbalasgbaski and to all you men of valour *smiles* for your useful tips.. I guess it would be a great time to throw the question out.. What's your take on this? Do you think there's more emphasis on ladies more than guys to abstain from sex before marriage? Also, please share with us, what are practical ways that can help a man who has made that decision to wait until marriage to be sexually active?

PS Frances Okoro of is currently running a Chastity for Men project HERE. It's a definite recommended read! xx


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