Thursday, 24 July 2014

Conversations With One: Qualities that attract in the Opposite Sex!

Hiya everyone! Hope you've had a great week! The weekend is in sight - Yayy! lol.

Conversations with One is a new chat-series on the blog where each week, my wonderful friends and I bring you snippets of our 'round-table' discussions from a male/female perspective..

That's not us.. Or is it?! :-D
Ladies! Have you ever wanted to get into the mind of a guy? (I know I do! lol), and for guys, I bet once in a while you wish you could just read her mind! Well hopefully week after week, we get to bridge that gap!

You can have a look at last week's conversation where we discussed Help! My Man's BFF is a 'She' and the previous one on Men and Communication! It's been really engaging and I say a huge thanks to you all for joining in!

Today's topic of discussion is one that elicited a lot of comments (full of laughs) from the amazing 1 + The One panel!  -

"What do you look out for in the other person when it has to do with relationships? What are the qualities that attract you and are important to you in a man/woman?"

As Christians we all believe that the foundation is for the person to have a solid relationship with God, because it definitely goes a long way in determining how they relate with you.
So, in addition to the God-factor, what are the other qualities that matter to you?
I am really glad that we had very frank and very practical responses (oh it was such a laugh too!). As always, we throw the question open to you and we invite you to please share your thoughts and views in the comment section below!

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Ms Hope: I have always been drawn to smart, intelligent 'A' grade men. Beyond looks, posh-ness and carriage (all these are good as well) ‎I have discovered being exceptionally smart is one quality I never will discriminate on.

Ms PumpkinUnited: When I was a girl, my catchment areas in a guy were the usual stereotype -tall, dark and handsome, 'bad boy' prince charming that would sweep me off my feet, but when I grew into a young lady, I added diction, romantic, good smell, good dress sense and generosity. these have all come into play in my past relationships and have come short in one way or the other and disappointed woefully ..

Nubian Princess: I saw the "when I was a girl" part first and thought, is there something I don't know? Are you now a man? Hehehehe! Nothing but love pumpkin!

Boy/Girl... Boy? Girl? lol
Okay, what do I want in a man? A quality that I really look for in a man is MATURITY! I used to tell One that my husband must be at least 5 years older, and she thought I was crazy! Loool! But seriously though, I need for my SO to be very, very, very mature! In practical terms, someone who has developed an attitude of integrity, who is responsible, who can make sacrifices for our family, who is humble, who can maintain an attitude of gratitude - doesn't have a self-entitlement attitude, who can prioritise his time to put me first, who is teachable, who seeks wisdom before making decisions and so on. 

NubianPrincess: Ooooh... And then it won't hurt if he's over 6 feet tall, has really muscular forearms, with chiseled movie star cheekbones, a smile that can stop my heart from beating, eyes that have a way of seeing all the things I'm not saying, a great job, a sense of purpose, is emotionally honest.... *swoon* *fanning self frantically* *going to drink a glass of cold juice*

Ms Angel: Lolll, In my opinion, I think It's funny that when you meet a guy, all your preferred qualities or stereotypes that you've written down on a piece of paper somewhere for God to bear in mind when 'the time is right' all end up flying out the window when you realise 'Mr Right' comes.
The heart of the guy matters. Bibli-cally it is what stores his innermost treasures and determines who He is. Matthew 15:18 talks about how the words we speak affect us more than what we eat. So a man that can speak the Word is very important to me.
The face matters too... but I feel he can't be ridiculously fine because he will probably outshine me lol (that may have been a joke lol).

One: LOL @ not ridiculously fine so he doesn't outshine you..
One of my Aunt's used to say that she didn't want to marry a man that was too handsome (is there anything like that??) because the problem of managing all the attention would be too much.. I used to look at her like huh?! Give me a (very) good-looking man please, the Lord will give me grace when we come to that bridge haha..

Mr JohnNash: The ladies are about to dominate this topic. So I will save the guys...:-)

What do I look for in a woman? I was told a couple of weeks by one of my ex girl friends: Nash, you like fine girls. Look at A, B, C, D you dated in the past. Is it a coincidence they are all pretty?

I also did a reality check and realised almost all the girls I have dated are unimaginably brilliant! It's strange. It's like I have an affinity for smart girls.

However it's a lot more than beauty and brains.

I think a woman with no ELEMENT of violence will be great for me. A woman who is a worshipper will also do, the one who can pray me to destiny. Finally a woman who can engage me intellectually won't be bad at ALL.

One: And Mr JohnNash saves the men! lol.. So, what do you mean by no element of violence? Ahn ahn women are the softer vessels now.. In my mind, I am imagining the woman with a hidden machete for anytime you misbehave.. or someone whose hands are customised for rapid slaps.. Pray tell, expand JohnNash!

                       

Mr JohnNash: One! You are a joker! So I know a guy who has bought like 10 TVs in the last few years. He has a girl friend with a very bad temper. Any little misunderstanding she throws the TV down from the balcony. I consider that really funny. She's quite vicious and aggressive. I am afraid of girls like that. I can't handle it.
Obinrin oniwa tutu oloro tutu.
For those of us who don't speak Yoruba the above means a gentle woman with soft words...

Nubian Princess: Ahnnnn.... She throws the TV down ke??? Your friend is patient oooh... Why can't they fight in her house??!! Must it always be his house? Na wa oooh!!! A bit of 'Un-Christian' advice... Next time, he should go and visit her then pick a fight... Break her TV, flower vases, sound system, windows, bed sef.... Loooool!

Okay... Okay... I kid... At least I think I do...

Mr JohnNash: NubianPrincess, I never knew you were a comedian. Trust me it's wise for them to have the argument in his house. Else he would have to replace the TV, flower vases etc with more expensive ones. Lol

Ms PYT: Hello all! The first time I met my hubby, I went back home thinking what an intelligent, funny, smart and above all good looking guy with 'swags' (lol)

I wasn't looking for a God fearing, holy or 'spirikoko' guy because I wasn't even a Christian then. I just wanted someone who was sincere all round.‎ He was a perfect gentleman for me so the God/ religious factor started when we got married.

Ms MIA: Hello everyone! My 2cents.. I've got to be honest (my mother says that your eye must first accept the food before your mouth) so my interest is first drawn to a tall, nicely built, cute face young man, then his 'hello' will be singing melodies to my ears in the way he speaks it! I guess in simple words, I like a guy who is 'Foine' and speaks well and meaningfully....smart guy! Past the 'hello' though, he becomes a keeper if he can meet 2 main things:
- He loves God with the heart of a child. You know that sincere heart that keeps running back like David
- He demonstrates leadership. I cannot follow the one that doesn't know his bearing or cannot lead me anywhere!

Ms Hope: ‎I love a man who can lead whilst I follow, but I don't want the one who is so set in his ways that I can't influence his decisions.

Ms TrueTalk: Hmmm, I am drawn to intelligent/ witty men- men who kind of 'know' your thoughts even before you voice them. I am not much ‎of a talker, so I am comfortable with men who get the 'message' with very few words spoken.
I was even more drawn to my hubby because I found a friend, confidante and companion in him. He was someone I could tell everything and anything 'no holds barred'. Beyond the friendship, other qualities such as his kindness, generosity, love of/ for family and of course good looks cinched the deal, if you know what I mean.....

One: I know what you mean sisteh!

MsPumpkinUnited: I remember giving my fiance an excuse when he first asked me out that I couldn't date him cause he is my bestie.. and he was like, "So who better to marry if not your bestie? Abi would you rather marry your enemy or a stranger?" That got me thinking hard.



One: Lol.. Your bestie/fiance is a very wise man!

Mr Ogbomosho: Yes o my people yelzy. This question is tricky sha! There are two deep questions summed into one chat, I will try ooo. Her physical appearance is important to me at first, she doesn't have to be a superstar but I want to be able to show her off to my friends.
Wot do I mean by that?
I must like what I see!!!
What do I like to see?!!!
Hmmmmmm
No overload!! I want to be able to see her and restrain from turning to see her again but my head turns itself!!!!



In simple terms there has to be attraction, what I feel attracted to is different from other people.

I have a scripture to back this up if you want, ask me :-)

Ms Angel: Soooo....H'i h'am h'askin *full teeth grin* Scripture pleaks sir. I don't disagree with you, just curious.

Let's noth forgeth...She must smell good too!!! The anointing must be 'perceivable'.
(Ruth 3:3).teehee.

Mr Ogbomosho: One of my favourite scriptures in the bible SOS 1:2
Gbam!!!!!! I can decode if u want but......... I don't want

One: Gbam! I think I am going to frame that scripture! I Love it! Lol

.... And on that note, we wrap up this week's convo.. But not before we ask you, what are the qualities that attract you to consider a relationship with someone? (Hope that makes sense? lol)

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Join us again next week for more Convos with One! If you would like to ask a question please send your email to oneplustheone@gmail.com xx

23 comments:

  1. You and your friends are soooo funny!!

    Like someone said in your convo, my likes have changed the older I get. So presently he WILL be a lover of God (christian), educated, gainfully employed in a reputable career, intelligent, a good communicator, reliable, trustworthy, tall, dark and handsome...My dreams WILL become reality in Jesus Name again.

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  2. In the past, I used to think I had no criteria as such (apart from him having a heart for God), but now, that's certainly not the case. I need my man to be a gentleman, not just to me, but to everyone. When I say gentleman, I mean the ladies first kind of guy. We can't both be struggling to see who can get on the escalator first now, haba! My husband has to lead me, but I need him to know where he's going first.
    Lastly, but not least important, I need to be physically attracted to him.

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  3. Great blog.
    I look out for intelligence, I can't stand dumb people. I also like for my man to have a good diction and he must not be shorter than me when I put on heels.

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  4. Well it is not about the looks because if you are attracted to that person because of the looks, you will not get to know the content of that person.
    I dated someone who was tall, good looking, handsome and intelligent even wealthy but what was lacking, a good character.
    I will simply look out for a God fearing person foremost then other qualities such as a good character, a sincere heart, intelligent,and a matured person who we will grow together and stand the test of time.

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  5. It's funny how we make lists, and yet, the lists manage to disappear immediately the 'man/woman' arrives.
    (I have this list that appears confusing because I want it all/ I can't really say what I want).

    But I must say that I've realized that the right person usually captures our hearts before we even remember that we have a list somewhere.

    Having said that, I'll go with a man that captures my heart. And my heart attracts intelligence, good health and many other Godly attributes (lol).

    + I am learning that we are all walking towards perfection, hence, I shall create that required space for 'his short comings'.


    In other news, Nubian Princess is such a funny and entertaining lady.

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  6. @HF, Amen! I love that.. May God grant you the desires of your heart according to His perfect will in Jesus name xx
    @Tomilola, Nice one.. He has to be a gentleman, not just to you but to everyone.
    @Amaka, Hi Amaka! Welcome to the blog *rings bell* :-) Thanks for all your comments too! Intelligence is such an important quality!
    @Olatunbosun, Hiya and welcome to the blog! *rings bell*. I agree with you, a fine face can never substitute good character..
    @Debby, you are right. I think Ms Angel mentioned that - the list flies out the window most times - It's only later on that we sometimes remember there was a list lol.. May you meet the one that captures your own heart in Jesus name.
    Thanks everyone! xx

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  7. I thnk 2 an xtent, we are all superfical, b4 u gt 2 knw d content of a guy/gal's art, his/her looks must appeal to u... dats d 1st step; but personally though, i dont ask for so much, im a talker with/widout sense, so i like a guy who talks but with sense, who can sharpen my disorganised tots nd ideas, whos also very organised nd intelligent, cuz im a handful... but im gonna place luv above all dese qualities cuz i believe in luv/chemistry and its luv nd nt intelligence,gud luks, dction etc dat can make relatnship/marriage stand d test of time, or right evry wrong... A guy who's gonna luv me lyk lyf itslf nd vice versa, who wen im with, i wanna take on d wrld, who doing d simplest chore with bcomes fun, who wen im with.. my lafta rngs far in2 d woods. Good luks, intelligence, diction can be gone widin d twinkle of an eye (accidents happen), i want smthn dts gonna last us a lyftym, smthn dts gonna make us reach for eachoda unconsciously even in a room filled with crowds, smthn dts gonna make me wake up at 90yrs and stl be in luv with him nd wanna strt all ova again wif jst him; sm1 who wen i die.. i know hes neva gonna b d same widout me nd vice versa. And i hope ds is nt asking 4 too much... hahahahahahahahaha

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  8. I think I agree mostly with Nubian's comments. How come we don't know what +1 likes? That's so unfair. Share your list :). May we all meet the One.

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  9. hmmmm, interesting comments on here....for me, I'd like a man with a good sense of humuor; someone who can make a joke out of anything. Confidence is also a major turn-on. By confidence i mean the way he speaks, walks, dresses.....confidence from being knowledgeable.

    oh and lest i forget, a man with integrity. That's so important. In addition, he should show a high degree of consistency in his actions. Don't need no fly-by-night kind of brother.

    Lastly, he should be driven. I dislike laziness in a man.

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  10. @Anonymous1, Lol, to an extent we are superficial, but like Ms MIA's mother says, the food must look appealing before you proceed to discover how good it tastes :-) LOL@ a talker with sense.. Your description of the love you want to have with your SO is deep... and no hun, it's not too much :-D xx
    @Anonymous2, Amen to that prayer.. Hahaha, do you know I realised that I didn't actually state my qualities.. hmm!
    @IBB, laziness in a man! That's a definite no-no! (that needs a post on its own!)

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  11. I agree with Ms. Angel - all my lists can fly out of the window once you meet the right person. I also realized that my desired qualities have changed over time. Sometimes I focused on having the same goals, another time I highly valued good communication skills, yet another time I thought "my girls" has definitely to playful and just fun to be with. Depending on whether a woman I meet has something abundantly or lacks a quality badly, I realize what I might want for the future.

    At the end of the day I think a good, soft heart is crucial for growth, for conflict resolution and for togetherness in general. It reminds me of the parable of the sower - only those with a "soft soil" are able to produce fruits, to become rooted etc.

    I once heard the idea that instead of (or in addition to) having a list of qualities that your spouse should have, have a list of qualities you want to bring along into a relationship, so that you can make some changes in "weak areas".

    btw, just curious: do your round table discussions take place in the real world or are these eMail discussions? Have a nice weekend and thx for this great series :)

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  12. Very interesting topic and comments. The comment by Debby Dyk really made me happy because she said "....., I'll go with a man that captures my heart. And my heart attracts intelligence, good health and many other Godly attributes (lol)." Wise one. Just like you darling and just in case God is listening now, my heart attracts Godly character, good looks (cant stand obese men), nice smell ( I really like men who wear after-shave/cologne) and take good care of the temple of God), intelligence, excellent health, good job/career prospect and the icing on the cake, which I trust God will grant me if I pray hard, he must be rich. Tell me who likes to suffer. So men, work harder/improve yourselves. Just being frank

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  13. The qualities that attract me to a guy. Let's see... a great sense of humour, maturity, generosity, a sense of wonder, curiosity, passion (for work or hobby), willingness to learn. I'm a little crazy (lol), so a guy that sees my crazy as normal no matter what he looks like will draw me like a magnet. I'm also attracted to guys that speak plainly, no rounda rounda village.

    Physical appearance: healthy.

    Those are some of the major ones. A guy may not have all of them, but I definitely won't be attracted to a guy that has none of them.

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  14. Mehn...I gotta think like this...'Would I Ernie be happy with myself if I say Yes to this dude'....I love them good looking guys buh mehn.....I need to convince myself that..that is a relationship that will make me happy.....my happiness matters the most....

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  15. Everyone has said so much and very vital points too. And I agree with a lot if them. But for me personally, he must be teachable. Firm but teachable. In other words, he is not easily manipulated but he is also always ready to listen and learn new things. Not someone so set in his way that it has become a religion.

    And of course, Omo, he has to be smart and good looking oo. I also always have an issue dating someone I'm taller than. So I will pray he is taller. Very responsible, confident and reliable. Like some people said too, he has to be a complete gentleman.

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  16. One+The One, not to sound like an emotional wreck oh, but i must say that I DONT UNDERSTAND WOMEN. Maybe its just the ones i know sha. I mean they say they want this, but yet when a guy is all good and available, they treat him like trash. I just think this dating thing ehn, is just tooooooo complex for a young and confused brother like me :(, I will probably hope my Dad gets some lady from home for me to get married to soon.:)

    I am not righteous, but I swear if I met a good girl, she could change me in minutes, but sadly the good girls AKA WIFE MATERIAL GIRLS have too high a standard. But oh well, you now what they say " There is sombeody for everybody" Cheers Bubba.

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  17. @Sebs, ever the man full of wisdom. I love that - think of what you are bringing to the relationship! *Nna, we will need to really screem the babe you will bring oh! She has to be top-notch* lol
    @Anonymous, Amen to being frank!! May God grant you your heart's desires according to His will.. *singing* "Me I no go suffer, I no go beg for bread" lol
    @Jyte, Nice one! I like a man who is passionate and dedicated too! Partcularly if he translates that passion and dedication to his family. A man who is driven is very attractive!
    @Erniesha, that's right! A man that you feel happy being with. I thank God that reading your blog, it's obvious that you have that with your hubby :-)
    @FunmiB, Lol@ so set in his ways it has become a religion... May God grant you your heart's desires according to His will xx
    @John!! Thanks for speaking for the men - It was getting 'too female' up in here :-).. Hahaha, you can beg Papa Duru to organise a fine village girl for you, yes? A good thing is worth working/fighting for so please don't mind our high taste(s). Besides you are more than capable my friend! Like you said, when you meet her, you will know by God's grace xx

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  18. As for me aside Godloving, I like a responsible, hardworking, intelligent, good family background and good looking guy. I prayed exactly listing these qualities to God and he answered my prayers. God gave me all plus a tall guy. I was like God I didn't specify height though I like an average height guy, but he gave me tall which is a plus. I love this guy and he even loves me more. He even has more and better qualities than I prayed for. my people, God still answers prayers, just believe.
    Peeps pray for what you want but let God's will be done. Most often he grants our hearts desires and even adds Jara. Just believe as long as what you want is sincere without an ulterior motive.
    @the one, thumps up to you. I love your blog though i hardly make comments. I just love to read and be inspired. Keep up the wonderful work.

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  19. Hi, I really enjoyed the convo.

    Aside from having the same God, I look for two key things: same value system/beliefs and a vision. A man who knows who he is, what he wants and where he wants to be will capture my attention.

    The tipping point is whether I can accept the man's shortcomings. A married friend once told me to choose a man whose weaknesses I can handle.

    In the meantime, I need to emulate the same qualities I look for so I consciously let God to work on me.

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  20. 9ce blog! Well.. Aside loving God, the next criteria is intelligence, damn! I cant stand dull people o. Then, funny (if u can make me laugh, you can keep me), creative, a dreamer (and doer), kind (oh! Definitely kind), a leader (but one who can be humble enough to folow and learn), crazy and cute ( really cute, like seriously cute) and fun guy.

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  21. @Anonymous 04:23, Awww I love your comment! Thank God for His faithfulness and for granting you your heart's desire with 'jara' on it :-) I appreciate you reading and commenting, thanks a lot, God bless you loads!
    @Anonymous 12:24, Very very true! I think Pastor Bimbo Odukoya once shared that you should identify their weakpoint and be sure that you are happy to live with that for the rest of your life (Just in case he never changes)..
    @Peace, God bless you jo! Very real and straightforward! May God grant you the desires of your heart according to His will. And of course welcome to the blog!! Nice to 'meet' you and hope to see you again :-) xx

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  22. Great discussion I love. Among the qualities I look for are honesty I detest liars with a passion, simplicity, I have to be attracted to the man, He has to love God, smart, funny, mature. I love a man who is confident, independent someone who knows what he wants.

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  23. Nice one Sharon.. Mehnn, lying is a very terrible quality!

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